Just over two years now I've been dealing with something happened that doctors can't explain. I've had enough tests to last a lifetime, I've fainted more times than I can count, ditto with the amount of medications I've been on, I've been to the E.R. twice and had a seizure once. It's had a devastating affect on my life, I have had a headache that never goes away and I am tired constantly. This is awful with my school work because I am usually unable to concentrate for a long time and I have a memory of a gold fish.
At first, it was hard for me to deal with. I went to bed every night wondering if I was going to wake up the next morning. Doctors were apprehensive to work with me because they thought I was causing my symptoms.
I started to do very poorly in school and I thought I was destined to drop out and stay at home for the rest of my life. However, I try to live life the fullest I possibly can and I achieved a 4.0 last semester. I try to not tell people the way I feel because I don't expect sympathy, just like I'm sure people with visible disabilities don't. I don't feel the need to concentrate on my health when I talk to people, although many people ask me about it, it shouldn't be the thing that makes me who I am. Finally, I went to a doctor who actually listened to me to get a diagnosis of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, which I thought I had since the beginning. All I can do is keep my head up and try to get past it. I never consider myself to have a "disability" because the term seems so negative.
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Jessica-I've been meaning to comment on your post all weekend. First off-I'm sorry you have to go through all of this, I had no idea how bad it was. It sounds like you've had quite a lot of medical stuff to deal with-and not to sound corny or too motherly, but I'm proud of you that you've managed to learn to live with it. I think that takes a lot of courage. I know a few other people who have CFS, it is quite debilitating. And I understand where you're coming from-my disability has caused a whole slew of other health problems that affect my daily life and I always feel that when I have to cancel something or postpone something because i don't feel good, that they will think I am "that" girl who is always sick and always talking about it. So in that sense, I see exactly where you're coming from. With the risk of sounding patronizing, I am proud of you that you felt comfortable to discuss this with me and the class-its not easy, but I hope it helped. And I've also learned a little trick along the way-that sometimes, its ok to just say "This sucks!" Now of course, I usually say this to myself or a friend, and then I move on-but it helps sometimes, and it doesn't mean you're a complainer!
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